news... "
I need something.
Sleep.
- Something to keep me flying.
- Like what?
Like by way of your witch doctor.
I don't see Dr. Golden anymore.
You know that.
Anyway, you've been taking too much.
- Thanks, Marcus Welby.
- I know what I'm talking about.
Why don't you get off my fucking case?
- I'm your friend.
- You're my friend? Really?
I know what you've been
after, you goddamn faggot.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Good. You do that.
Hi. You got a problem?
Yeah, I do.
- We never see you anymore.
- You see me plenty.
Drinking with your new friends
after the show.
After the show is when
all the big names come in.
You meet people. That's what counts.
I hate drinking. I'm doing this
for my future. For our future.
You're doing this for some image,
for Freddie because he did it.
- Yeah? Maybe.
- Yeah? Well, he died doing it.
- He could have been a real actor.
- He was!
He was funny and charming
and he made people laugh. That's it.
- That's plenty!
- That's not enough! Not for you!
- Jesus Christ!
- You are good, Ralph.
- You're seriously really good.
- Jesus.
You're full of rage and pain and love.
Not just jokes. You're an original.
The original Ralph Garci.
- You don't have to be somebody else.
- You're bringing me down!
Don't be somebody else.
- You're bringing me fucking down!
- I'm sorry!
I gotta go make people laugh, and
you're talking about rage and pain.
- I said I'm sorry!
- It takes fucking wings.
Miss Seriously, let me tear flypaper, huh?
Give me a fucking break, honey!
Give me a fucking break.
Okay, pal? Thank you.
- What's happening to you?
- What's happening to me? Success.
Now, you either hang on or hang up.
All right?
It's a great pleasure to introduce
a young man who's funny and loud.
Especially during my act.
Please welcome the comedy stylings
of Ralph Garci, ladies and gentlemen.
That's right. My name is Ralph Garci,
and I'm a professional asshole.
That's right. I see we have a couple
of amateurs in the audience tonight.
Don't we?
I see. How about sign language?
We have a standing ovation
over there.
That's great. Hon, where you from?
Okey-dokey. That's my best friend.
Yeah, friends are important.
You know, I...
I live in the South Bronx, and up there,
you got the Harlems ofвЂ
Shit! I'm sorry.
Excuse me. Fuck it.
That was supposed to be...
The north- The countries north
of Harlem and west of Puerto Rico.
That's what it was supposed to be.
Yes, indeed it was.
Anyway, there's lots of things there:
Rats, cockroaches,
and, you know, little bugs.
You know what cockroaches are?
Little things that crawl in the night.
Listen, I don't mean to alarm you,
but if you don't laugh, you'll get cancer.
Sorry. That was probably in bad taste,
and I didn't really...
Excuse me. Fuck it.
Thank you very much.
What do you want?
Pizza sounds good.
You wanna eat?
Could you give me a break, all right?
We could split a special,
with anchovies, maybe.
Fuck anchovies. I died out there,
you're talking about fucking pizzas?
- No, I'm talking about eating pizzas.
- Oh, that's very funny. You're a howl.
You should have been out there.
The audience hated me.
- You had a bad night. That happens.
- Not to me, it doesn't.
What do you want? Insurance?
You're in the wrong business.
Performers aren't safe.
We're pie-in-the-face people.
Look, don't lecture me.
All right, Sir Laurence?
All anyone ever promised you was
seven classes a day and a hot lunch.
The rest is up to you.
Back in the Middle Ages, actors,
they didn't even want to bury us.
Well, they do now.
Not if you're good.
How do you know?
How do you know if you're good?
Maybe you never know.
You just hang in, I guess.
You know the weirdest thing...
...is Freddie.
When he made it, he realized
it was everything he hated.
Cadillac Eldorado.
Pocketful of Quaaludes.
Johnny Carson.
It was no special shit.
You're not Freddie, Ralph.
I know that. I know.
Know something